“Why Women Get Turned Off

Here are the reasons for a woman turning away from a man’s advances. Love for her husband. Concern for her children. Onset of age. Desolation due to some grief or sorrow. Absence of opportunity. Anger: ‘His proposition is an insult.’ Indecision: ‘He is unfathomable.’ The belief that ‘This has no future. He will go away as he is infatuated with someone else.’ Alarm: ‘His intentions are too blatant.’ The thought that ‘He cares more for his friends and will tell them all.’ Suspicion: ‘He is not serious.’ Diffidence: ‘He is too grand.’ The doe woman’s apprehension: ‘He may be too strong and his sexual impulse too fierce.’ Shyness: ‘He is so urbane and expert in all the arts.’ The thought that ‘He always treated me like a comrade.’ Revulsion: ‘He has no thought of the proper time and place.’ Lack of respect: ‘He is disgraceful.’ Contempt: ‘He does not realize it even when I signal him.’ The elephant woman’s concern: ‘He is a hare type and his sexual impulse may be dull.’ Sympathy: ‘He is out of his mind and may get into trouble.’ Disgust at noticing her own bodily defects. Fear: ‘I will be thrown out if my family gets to know.’ Scorn: ‘He is old, gone grey.’ Doubt: ‘He has been put up by my husband to test me.’ And finally, her concern for virtuous conduct.”

—From Vatsyayana’s Kama Sutra, Book Five on The Wives of Others, translated by A.N.D. Haksar